I’m cheating on Dr. Yo with a new naturopath on Thursday. I feel bad about it because Dr. Yo is so cute, but I stopped seeing her ages ago and I feel like if I went crawling back now she’s secretly give me advice that would cause me to gain weight and die. She would never actually do this because at nearly 100 d0llars an hour she’s the nicest most supportive human being ever, but I worry anyways.

Also, my sister got engaged last week and I’ve been (only half joking) telling people at work that I’m going to get engaged by December. I’m vaguely serious about this, because I think giving myself this deadline could make a great story. I could publish said story and make millions, which would then make my husband hunt obsolete (because I could just buy one).

Chapter One will be about my exes and titled “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it” …Beyoncé be damned